Anger is a powerful force. It’s seen as quite taboo in our society today – people are regularly shaming others, saying things like “don’t be angry” or “don’t make a mountain out of a molehill”. The truth is, if it feels like a mountain bursting from within you, swallowing it can be incredibly damaging. Have you ever tried swallowing a mountain? Usually it doesn’t work out so well.
When we give ourselves permission to be angry – this is actually our masculine side telling our feminine side “you have permission to exist”. Our feminine side is wanting us to set clarified boundaries so that the unbridled creative (feminine) energy is directed in a useful and productive (masculine) way. (NOTE: Productive doesn’t have to mean it makes us more money – an end result of loving ourselves to a greater degree is just about as productive as it gets.)
As we commit to embodying our solid, unwavering masculine aspect, and we step up to create a trustworthy and safe container for what would otherwise be a venomous, destructive feminine (internal self destructive) energy we are wanting to spew out – a very magical thing happens if we commit to faith and trust in our process: The energy is no longer seen as “bad”. The feminine is informed that it is safe from human created judgement and therefore doesn’t convert to the destructive masculine (external).
At this point, the purpose for the anger becomes clarity for a strong need. That need may be a host of things, from connection with others, to setting boundaries with others, to following through on our own promises, or whatever need is true for us. The anger is simply bringing this intense need to our attention and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. We are entitled to our anger – it’s truly useful when we create a safe space for it. We can simply start by saying “I am grateful for my anger” and simply make an effort to hijack our typical angry breathing patterns by bringing them into slow deep breaths or even laughter. This will feel super weird the first time, but it works and heals our gut.
The next step is using the juice of our anger as fuel for a creative solution. Many times, we misinterpret anger as a solution. For example, “I am angry because you didn’t do your dishes!”. This is our mind tricking us into thinking that the anger is based on a clear solution – which is often controlling somebody to act in a certain way. When we realize that our anger is a NEED and not a SOLUTION, it opens us up to seeing more possibilities for creative solutions. Perhaps we could take turns doing dishes, or use different sinks, or use the same 2 dishes over and over so they have to be washed every time. These options are only unlocked when we realize that the boundary is unclear and that a need is present. Perhaps a discovery conversation is in order.
Creativity is simply seeing more options. As this becomes our goal, rather than punishing people for “wronging” us, it opens up a whole world of emotional awakening in spaces we are accustomed to judging.
Thank you for your anger.